Monday, March 9, 2009

Yogini Infinity?

Yogini Infinity is a tag I came up with a decade ago when I was beginning to see my yoga practice as a defining characteristic of who I was becoming. Today, it feels a little childish and fluffy for me to don this assumed name, especially since I've given it to myself. When I read it the voice of my own mind switches to that of Buzz Lightyear and says, "Yogini Infinity...and Beyond!" Then I see myself taking flight, fuchsia sequin cape flapping in the wind behind me. It's silly.

Yet, there it is, right up at the top of this page. "Por que?" you ask, as I have asked myself many times. Because when I break it down, I continue to relate to the meaning of it, and can apply it to that being I am still becoming.
Here is how my logic goes:

Yogini: A female practitioner of yoga.
Yoga: Union; in particular the union of matter & spirit, of the individual self with the Divine.
Infinity: The state of being infinite.
Infinite: Limitless or endless; impossible to measure.

It's interesting to further note that the word infinite comes from the Latin infinitus, where in, 'not' + finitus, 'finished' = not finished.* By those definitions, when I refer to Yogini Infinity what I am getting at is that the act of joining the self with Cosmic Consciousness is one that cannot ever be truly completed. Since change is constant, the act of getting there, of being unified, is continual. There is no lasting moment of "finally making it." A Yogini Infinity is one who is constantly engaged in remembering their core Absolute state while dancing in the boundaries of the here and now. It's the both/and, to use Angeles Arrien's term, of the paradoxical state entered when one is fully awake. As is often quoted, you are in this world, but not of it; you are not seeking to escape but to embody.

And to me, the most beautiful part of all is that this state can't be measured. No quantitative research data will finally prove that the Divine is out there (or in here). No journal article will ever appear in JAMA highlighting the statistically significant rates at which people who enter a unified state of being become more fully alive. Not to say that the effects of yoga cannot be studied, because they can and are, on top of it's thousands of years of time-testability, which I hold as proof of its value and success. (It speaks volumes that something can continue to thrive and grow for centuries without the use of war, coercion or manipulation to create 'believers'.)
The internal, the qualitative, the experience which is subject to the subjective, and is ever changing, cannot be bottled and replicated. That truth is the beauty & poetry which the yogi or yogini lives.

To think that I will never "get there" inspires me and I feel the preciousness of every fragile moment. That all, any, of this is is miraculous. Hope becomes boundless. To have no beginning and no end is the ultimate prize. These ideas empower me with accountability and foster compassion for all beings. Life feels like a magic carpet ride fueled by unlimited potential and possibility. In moments large and small, from a quiet sunset over the ocean to the birth of a daughter, the exhilaration leaves me speechless. When I just am, I am Yogini Infinity. Even in times when I am spastic, chaotic, depressed, lazy, confused, sad, angry, fearful or lost, I am too.

So, I've decided I'll keep the label. It may be hokey to some, and at times to me, but it's a fruitful reminder of an aspiration I still consider worthy.

Thanks MacBook Pro Dashboard Dictionary.

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